Take That, Harrison Ford
My imaginary WSU commencement speech, featuring life advice, Ed Murrow, compound interest, and one very available alum.
’Tis the season for graduations at every level.
Some are on the ridiculous side. Preschool. Kindergarten. Basically any ceremony where the kid is not actually changing schools.
My rule is simple: the only time there should be any kind of graduation ceremony is when the student is moving from one school location to another.
Elementary to middle school or junior high? Acceptable.
Middle school or junior high to high school? Acceptable.
High school to college? Obviously.
College to graduate school? Sure.
That’s the list.
We’re not giving out trophies, caps, and gowns for everything else.
I know some people will call me a crotchety old man who needs to lighten up. They’ll tell me not to “yuck someone’s yum.”
My thought is this: if we do these special ceremonies too often, they stop being special when they actually matter.
Not every day is supposed to be your birthday or Christmas.
Now that we have gotten that out of the way, let’s dive into the last two. The ones most people care about. The ones with the most gravitas in American society: high school and college undergraduate graduations.
Those are the ones that traditionally come with caps and gowns, usually in your school’s colors. So let’s hope your school colors are good.
No one wants to look at a picture of themselves 30 years later wearing a yellow or orange graduation gown.
These are also the accomplishments that impress friends and family, which leads to cash and gifts from people you see once a year at best, assuming you are part of a normal American family.
Some gifts come from people you normally only see at weddings and funerals.
At least that is how it works in my family, which is mostly white and not the incredibly religious kind of Christian. More Christian in name only.
That means you might get a Benjamin Franklin from Uncle Bruce and Aunt Grace once or twice in your lifetime.
Three times if you graduate twice and get married young.
The Minor Leagues of Graduation
High school graduation is like the minor leagues of graduations.
Not a lot of pomp and circumstance. You get the school band, the principal, the class president, and the valedictorian speaking.
Most are not that memorable.
College graduation is different.
Depending on where you go to college, commencement can feel like going to a Taylor Swift concert, where she could actually show up and be the commencement speaker even though she has never stepped foot in a college lecture hall as a student.
Large universities or prestigious ones usually bring in showstoppers each year.
This helps parents feel better about the $100,000 they just spent on your education if they get to hear Harrison Ford or Conan O’Brien talk about how you can become successful with the really expensive degree you have just been handed.
Some schools are lucky enough to have famous alumni who come back and give a commencement speech for a lucky graduating class.
Some rich and successful alums have even shocked graduates by giving them all a gift or paying off their student loans.
Alas, this did not happen to me when I graduated from Washington State University in the late ’90s.
Our commencement speaker was Phyllis Campbell, who was a member of the university’s Board of Regents and the first woman CEO of a bank in the state of Washington.
Not a bad accomplishment.
But she was no Harrison Ford or Conan O’Brien.
WSU Needs a Speaker? I’m Available.
I found out this year that my alma mater didn’t even have a commencement speaker.
What?
Did getting relegated out of the Power Four college football conferences hurt our chances of getting anyone to speak to these new Cougar grads?
Hell, I could have done it.
In fact, I will throw my name into the hat for next year’s ceremony.
Why not?
I was successful in the field I actually got a degree in. I spent more than 20 years in sports broadcasting. I worked with some of the biggest names in the profession. I helped get one of them to ESPN and then worked for the Worldwide Leader for three years.
I would say I have some street cred.
Either way, I am available.
I already have a speech put together and ready to go any time WSU needs to put me into service.
Here’s how it would go.
My WSU Commencement Speech
Thank you for that great introduction, President Cantwell.
Who knew you could rhyme that with “Go Cougs”?
Board of Trustees, deans and provosts, faculty, distinguished guests, friends and family, and most importantly, this year’s graduating class: congratulations.
I was in your position years ago.
Wow. I can’t believe it has been so long.
Unless you started college late or are a graduate student, you probably weren’t even born yet.
This was a world where not everyone had a cell phone, let alone a smartphone, which had not even been invented yet. The internet was in its infancy. The Cougar football team had just been robbed of the chance to beat Michigan in the Rose Bowl.
No way does it take three seconds to spike a ball.
Right, Ryan Leaf?
Anyway.
Unlike a lot of colleges, WSU doesn’t have a long list of prominent alumni who are automatic showstoppers.
I mean, look who they had to settle for this year.
Unlike a lot of institutions of higher learning, WSU doesn’t pay famous people or dangle honorary degrees just to get a commencement speech.
The most famous commencement speech ever given at Washington State took place in 1962, when Edward R. Murrow gave the commencement speech in the old football stadium.
That stadium was an old wooden structure that looked ready to go up in flames if anyone lit a match or tossed out an old Pall Mall or Lucky Strike.
It had been 32 years since Murrow had graduated. Now he had returned to his alma mater as the conquering hero.
I, too, have been away from the halls of WSU’s learning centers for a long time. For me, it has been 28 years.
A lot can change in 32 years. A lot can change in 28.
Professors retire. Some pass away. Others replace them, hopefully just as good.
I don’t come back to campus conquering anything.
I am more like a cautionary tale.
I got a lot out of this place, both professionally and personally. I left the Palouse a different person, ready to try to make it in media.
Scared? Yes.
But I was ready to see what I could do.
Since then, the world seems to have turned upside down.
I am not going to spend this whole speech talking about AI. I have seen online how that has worked out for other commencement speakers around the country this year.
But I did go on YouTube, and thanks to WSU posting it there, I was able to listen to Murrow’s speech in his own voice.
Throughout my speech, I will refer back to a few lines from the great orator Ed Murrow that still fit what we are dealing with today and what you are about to embark on.
The first one feels perfect for the AI revolution, which, depending on who you are talking to, is either upon us or about to be here.
“The path of the future lies shrouded in the dynamics of change.”
Change is all around you right now.
You are leaving the bubble of Washington State and Pullman for an ever-changing world. It is hard for me to even comprehend the world you are facing compared to the one I had to navigate.
Honestly, I may have more in common with Murrow in 1962 than I do with the world you are stepping into now.
So it would be dumb for me to give you advice on things I know nothing about.
I am not going to go high concept. I am not going to give you a 30,000-foot view. I am not going to be Pollyanna and say something like, “You can accomplish anything you set your mind to.”
That will not be true for all of you.
There are too many variables in life to promise that.
Where I can help is with practical advice.
I was in the workforce for 25 years. I was given a lot of advice. I learned some hard lessons. Now it is time for me to pass on those lessons so you don’t make the same mistakes I and others made before you.
Are you ready?
I can’t hear you.
Are you ready?
This advice probably won’t make you rich or turn you into a huge success on its own.
But these lessons and pieces of advice will help you acclimate to what is waiting out there.
The World Doesn’t Owe You Anything
The first fact you must come to grips with is this:
The world doesn’t give a damn about you.
It doesn’t matter who you are or what you have done in the past. Nobody owes you anything.
That is not meant to crush you. It is meant to prepare you.
When it comes down to it, there are only a few people in your life you will truly be able to depend on.
Hard truth.
Some friends and co-workers will become real friends. A lot of others will come and go.
In my experience, there will be a small inner circle around you that stays for the long haul.
Treat those people like gold.
Be Honest With Yourself
Be honest with yourself.
This is something I learned during my time at WSU, and it served me well.
That does not mean being negative or putting yourself down. It means making an honest evaluation of your strengths and weaknesses.
Not everyone is going to be a rock star or a professional athlete.
Here is another piece of advice from arguably the most famous alum in our university’s history. Here are Ed Murrow’s thoughts on optimism in 1962:
“Optimism is not to be abandoned, but it is wisdom that it be tempered.”
You have to remember what Murrow had lived through.
This was during the height of communism spreading around the world. This came after World War II. This came after Murrow had taken on Joe McCarthy and his made-up “Red Scare” campaign.
He had serious stuff happening.
So yes, be optimistic.
But temper it with reality.
Bet on Yourself
Bet on yourself and take chances.
Scared money doesn’t make money.
Wayne Gretzky famously said you miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.
Same idea.
Don’t wait for something to happen. Make it happen.
If you have a job you don’t like, figure out what you want to do and start figuring out how to make it happen.
The next 10 years are about taking chances and discovering what you can bring to the world — and where you want to bring it from.
Passion Is Not Enough
When looking for jobs and professions, don’t just chase something you like or something you are passionate about.
Remember: be honest with yourself.
Find a job or profession you are passionate about and good at.
You don’t want to be the person on American Idol who thinks they are Celine Dion or Whitney Houston while everyone else knows they are a tone-deaf hack.
That kind of honesty benefits you professionally and personally.
Money or Happiness?
At some point in any profession, you may have to decide what matters more in your life: money or happiness.
Unfortunately, life can be cruel and unforgiving.
Sometimes you cannot have both.
So when that crossroads arrives, which direction will you go?
Having been out there, I can tell you this: money may not always buy happiness, but it does make your life more secure.
You might find yourself having to sacrifice a little of what you want to do for what you should do for yourself and your future.
That is not romantic.
But it is real.
Networking Is Real Life
You might already know this, but not all job opportunities are listed on Indeed or LinkedIn.
I have had many jobs in my lifetime. I can count on a couple of fingers the number of times I got a job by applying to an ad.
Life is about who you know.
Networking — and having the fortune of knowing the right people through friendships, family, neighbors, church, school, or whatever else — gives you some of your best chances at opportunity.
Even if that means nepotism.
If you are a nepo baby, congratulations.
Luck and fortune have shined on you.
That does not mean you will always get a free pass, but it does mean some of the hard work has been taken care of for you.
Take that opportunity and do something with it.
Jack Welch, the famous and long-standing CEO of General Electric during its glory days, once said:
“Hire people who share your values, then give them the freedom to make decisions.”
That applies to nepo babies and good networkers.
He said nothing about posting the perfect ad on Indeed.
Hiring people who share your values does not happen in a 30-minute interview. That takes time to figure out.
Tomorrow Comes Fast
Here is one last word from Mr. Murrow about tomorrow and what it might bring:
“Our tomorrows will stand naked to an array of challenge, the variety of which no man can predict.”
That is very true.
What I know for certain is that tomorrow will be here before you know it.
Will you be ready when it arrives?
Learn About Compound Interest Now
The future will be here before you know it.
I know. You are in your early 20s. You feel indestructible. Retirement feels so far away that it barely seems real.
You’ll figure it out later, right?
Let me introduce you to something called compound interest.
Albert Einstein is often credited with saying:
“Compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world. He who understands it, earns it; he who doesn’t, pays it.”
Be the one who understands it.
Start small. Contribute to your 401(k) or open your own IRA.
Just do something.
Set it and forget it.
You will thank me in 20 years when you are giving this speech at another WSU graduation.
Never Burn the Bridge
So you got the job you came to this school to get.
Congratulations.
Now how are you going to turn that job into a long career that might actually get you to retirement?
One way is to leave everyone you interact with in your chosen profession and industry with a positive feeling about you — or at least not such a negative one that it costs you opportunities later.
Never burn a bridge.
Never napalm a bridge.
Leave every job as positively as you can.
Every industry is a small world, and you never know who knows whom.
This is a big country, but it is a mobile one. People move around. People talk. People have an unlimited number of ways to communicate with each other.
Don’t let past actions destroy future opportunities.
Work-Life Balance Is Usually Corporate Nonsense
I have learned that almost every major company in America will tell you it believes in “work-life balance.”
Most of them do not.
I would say 90 percent of them are full of it.
It is just something companies know they have to say in 2026.
Years ago, I was on vacation and ran into someone who worked for a very prominent company in Silicon Valley.
He said his employer had no limits on vacation. Employees could take as much vacation as they wanted.
But they didn’t.
Why?
Because of that inner voice we as Americans have been raised with. It won’t let us.
In fact, when companies offer unlimited vacation, many people probably take less vacation than they would if they were given a specific number of days.
Don’t be that person.
Take your vacation.
You will work your butt off for your employer. Hold them accountable for rewarding you the way you deserve.
I have seen companies willing to pay employees more money before they would give them even one extra day of paid time off.
In other countries, they treat work as work and life as life. They don’t even know what “work-life balance” is because they already understand the difference.
They also live a lot longer than we do.
Countries like Japan, South Korea, Italy, and Spain are productive countries. They are not developing nations.
Demand that your employer treat you well too.
Don’t put a price tag on your health.
Take control of it.
Find a Life Outside Work
Find interests outside of work.
This was something I was terrible at, and I have regretted it for years.
I was so work-obsessed that all my friends and interests were work-related.
That was all I had.
That caused me to think about work more and do more for work than I was getting paid to do as a salaried employee.
You need a gap between the two.
Do something once in a while that has nothing to do with work.
Join a club. Play softball. Volunteer. Find people outside your chosen profession.
That will give you perspective and depth that you need in life.
Rent Your Fun
Someone I used to work with had this philosophy, and I totally agree with it:
Rent your fun.
Don’t get tied down financially and emotionally by owning a boat, RV, or cabin.
Rent it.
At least for a while.
See if you really want to be part of boating culture or RV culture in America, because those things are cultures and lifestyles.
You have to live them to get out what you put into them financially.
Choose Experiences Over Stuff
When I am 100 years old and looking back on my life — yes, I am living to at least 100, because I want to be called a centenarian at least once — I will remember seeing Michelangelo’s David in Italy.
I will remember the canals of Amsterdam.
I will remember the cherry blossoms in Japan.
I will not care about the car I owned in my 40s or the TV I watched the Seahawks win the Super Bowl on.
Now, I would care if I went to the Super Bowl to watch them win.
Choose experiences over materials.
Choose the memories you will cherish over the stuff that will eventually become outdated.
Your memories do not have an expiration date.
Be Accountable
There is nothing in life that annoys me more than someone who refuses to be accountable for their own actions.
Someone who blames everyone except themselves.
Being accountable will help you in your daily life and in your relationships, both professional and personal.
No one likes the person who is never at fault.
Take ownership of your life.
You will be amazed by the reaction you get.
People will respect you more. They will be more likely to respond positively to you when you are who you say you are.
Choose Love
The final piece of advice I want you to remember from this old, blathering alum who has seen a thing or two is this:
When choosing between love and hate, always choose love.
Hate will eat you up inside.
Trust me. I know from personal experience.
Hate can manifest in ways that cause real health problems.
Love thy neighbor.
All you need is love.
The Beatles sang that for a reason.
Taylor Swift has made a career writing songs about love.
Also disappointment.
But not hate.
Hate is a strong and powerful word. It should be taken seriously.
Now get out there and be productive citizens of the world and your community.
Come back once in a while and visit this place that, if you are like me, changed your life.
And more importantly:
Go Cougs!
My Offer Still Stands
If another college or university would like to bring me out to give a similar commencement speech to your graduating class, let me know.
Most weekends are pretty open for me these days.
I just need a first-class plane ticket and a hotel room.
Yes, first class.
In my current state, it makes it a lot easier for me to travel in the front of the plane.
Trust me, it is cheaper than paying me and less of a hassle than giving me some phony degree.
My offer stands for this year and years to come.
Take that, Harrison Ford.
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